Project Management Jokes

October 27, 2010

Here’s some funny jokes about project management we came across. Feel welcome to comment if you have some more  😉

  • Nothing is impossible for the person who doesn’t have to do it himself.
  • Any project can be estimated accurately (once it’s completed).
  • At the heart of every large project is a small project trying to get out.
  • Too few people on a project can’t solve the problems – too many create more problems than they solve.
  • I know that you believe that you understand what you think I said but I am not sure you realise that what you heard is not what I meant.
  • A verbal contract isn’t worth the paper it’s written on.
  • Good estimators aren’t modest: if it’s huge they say so.
  • A little project management saves a lot of fan cleaning.
  • If you can keep your head while all about you are losing theirs, you haven’t understood the plan.
  • When all’s said and done a lot more is said than done.
  • The more you plan the luckier you get.
  • The most valuable and least used WORD in a project manager’s vocabulary is “NO”.
  • A user will tell you anything you ask about, but nothing more.
  • The sooner you get behind schedule, the more time you have to make it up.
  • A badly planned project will take three times longer than expected – a well planned project only twice as long as expected.
  • If at first you don’t succeed, remove all evidence you ever tried.
  • Schedules are made to be broken
  • Work expands to fill the Time. Cost expands to meet the Budget.
  • Today you idiot proof it…tomorrow a new and improved idiot arrives
  • If you can’t convince them, then confuse them.
  • The first 90% of a project takes 90% of the time. The last 10% takes the other 90%.
  • Your inability to plan is not my emergency.
  • Re-establish work/life balance – begin a new crisis at home
  • The only certainty in a project is uncertainty
  • I’m going on a time management course… just as soon as I can work it into my schedule.
  • The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate it.
  • On time, on budget, on spec – pick 2.